Here’s a bunch of archives

By The Onion
America’s Finest News Source

The Onion has opened up its archives to the world for free. We used to think that charging for access to the archives was a good idea, until we did it.

Our accountants have compared the ad revenue for non-protected content against the meager subscription revenue and ordered our web team to open up the archive.

While we are America’s Finest News Source™, we are such only in so far as it makes us money. Lots of money. We’re not all that concerned with an “informed populace,” except where that populace is informed by our advertisers. Therefore, we are happy to show you our complete archives online, with informative information from our many sponsors.


There’s a bunch of archives

By The New York Times
Gray Lady

The New York Times has opened up its archives to the world. Over there, don’t you see it? Oh, I see the problem, it’s $40 to access our archives. What? You paid your $40? Oh, you must have already looked at 100 archived things this month. Well it’s your own fault, really, why are you so interested in our archives anyways?

Listen, we’re the paper of fucking record. We make sure the public is informed, and the best way to do that is to protect our archives. You wouldn’t let a kid covered in mud sit down at a grand piano, why would you want just anyone to browse through your archives. That’s right, your archives. The archives are yours and mine and everyone’s, assuming everyone coughs up $40.

Oh, you want us to be more like The Onion? Well I got news for you, kid. We’re so noble in our aspirations, we barely have any ads (unlike a certain other paper I could name). Take an article page example. We have a mere one interstitial, and then when you finally get to the page we only use half the page width for our giant towering ad, aside from the assorted ads at the bottom.

We’re not a big organization like The Onion either. Sorry, we’re just not. How many people do they have, 100,000? A million? No one really knows, but how do you expect us to be able to compete with a giant newspaper like them? We’re just one little paper, we can’t be held to the same standards for openness as The Onion.


2 responses to “Point / Counterpoint”

  1. Phil says:

    Well put. Could you please inject a little more vitriol. I like it drippy.

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