I got home yesterday and saw my iPod headphones on the coffee table, mangled and broken. This wasn’t that big a deal because I had first noticed they were broken a few days earlier. I figured they got caught in the vacuum cleaner like my ill-fated SOCOM headset, or maybe they got underfoot. Except a few days earlier the metal speaker was simply disconnected from its housing, now the whole ear bud was removed. Oh yeah, and I threw them out when I saw how broken they were. WTF?
I had grabbed another set of the ubiquitous white ear buds after throwing out the broken ones and used them to fill the hole in my
heart ear where the old ones had been. And, just like the old ones, I sort of left them on the coffee table. Then I realized what was going on.
As it turns out, my girlfriend’s dog really loves earwax. He’ll dig through the trash looking for the cotton swabs she uses to clean his ears if we let him. He’s always trying to pick his ears and eat it, even though it’s a lot harder without digits to manipulate. Yeah, it’s gross, but if a dog is going to eat its own waste products I guess it’s better than most.
The working theory of the crime goes something like this: the dog ate it. He had motive, means and opportunity. I didn’t test the forensic evidence when I walked him last night because I didn’t have probable cause, but I suspect he’ll make an emission of guilt tonight.